Old Ned's Blog

Idle thoughts That go in one ear and never come out.

Ed Decker

Went to see my Cardiologist yesterday.  He said I was in very bad shape.  I told him I was as healthy as a horse.  He nodded and said that it had to be a really old one that pulled a few too many wagons.

I don’t want to say that I am old, but I realized a while ago that everything I buy now will outlive me. I now have that dreaded furniture disease….my chest is falling into my drawers! 

Back in time, when I was actually doing something, I was kind of trying to look important. Back then, the status symbol was those pagers that everyone had clipped on. I couldn’t afford one, so I’m wore my garage door opener.

You know, back then, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn’t like me anyway.

My next-door neighbor bought one of those new TVs that had a remote and spent the next month bragging about it to all of us.  I went to the same store and bought a remote for his TV model. Every night I would sneak out and change his stations.  He did stop talking about it.
   

I think about real important things, usually in the middle of the night.

Last night, I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans! 
    

I got thinking about old age and decided that it is when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it. 

I thought about making a movie for folks my age and call it “Pumping Rust.”
    

My sister-in-law has a cat’s litter box, I asked her “Is that for your cat?   She said., “No, it’s for company!”
    

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little, tiny spoons and forks so now I worry a lot about what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks?
    

I was filling out an application for something a few years ago  and it asked who I want notified in case of an emergency.  I wrote 911.

It had a question about my sex. I wrote in, I only wish!
  

Do you remember when they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? Why didn’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?
    

My wife remarked that I seem to be reading the Bible a whole lot more lately as I get older. I told her that I was cramming for my finals.

I went to the cemetery to put flowers on my mother’s grave.   My dad’s grave is right next to hers.  Instead of the usual “Dear husband and father” stuff, he had them write, “I told You I was sick.”

I just spent ten minutes looking at the word, cemetery. Who ever invented that. Strange word. Very unnerving, but, then you are usually dead when you move there.

We have been in lockdown since the first week of 2022 and I have gained 8 pounds.  My wife is now insisting that I wear the mask inside.  She said it’s to keep me from eating all day long.